Confession by Coffee
by x.xOracles.Shadowx.x
Summary: Spencer Reid never imagined his secret would be revealed because of the coffee he drank. He wondered if he could sue for emotional damages. - ReidHotch, EmilyRossi, JJWill, MorganGarcia/Kevin. Oh, and Ethan, Elle and Gideon too.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hi, guys! **

**Remember that story I promised you a while back, about Hotch finding out that Reid liked him and then Ethan comes back and all hell breaks loose in the BAU? It had Gideon taking Rossi's place for a while, and Elle coming back? **

**Yeah. This is it. *cue dramatic music***

**Well, the epilogue anyway. I wanted to put this out, just to get the first part out of the way. It will be a case fic, but it'll be mostly character driven, and chances are you'll figure out who the unsub is in like, four chapters because it's not like I'm making that difficult. The main drama will not come from the unsub, my friends, but from our lovelies in the BAU. I'm quite looking forward to it. **

**I don't know how much to say without giving too much away; I'm pretty sure you all know the premise of it already:**

_** Reid likes Hotch and tells JJ. Gideon, having come back after Rossi left on his sabbatical, figures out his protegee's crush, and Hotch finds out because of Gideon. Reid almost has a nervous break down, and Hotch and Morgan almost kill each other in the conference room (well, not really. They don't come to an actual fist fight, but damn. That would be something to see). **_

_**Ethan pays dear old Spencer a visit and almost makes Hotch flip because, fun fact of the day, Dr. Reid: Alpha males don't play well with others. Rossi is in Atlanta but will be coming back to, according to him, get away from his publisher, which strikes Emily as odd (as I think I've mentioned, I have a weird kind of crush on him so I would never send him away permanently).**_

_**Elle comes back when a friend of her's is caught in the crossfire of the latest BAU case and she is pissed, to say nothing of how Gideon feels when she turns up in his office ready for a fight. JJ and Will seem to be the only iota of stability in the whole shebang until an ex girlfriend of Will's shows up and tries to horn in, making JJ see red. And as for our resident Tech Goddess, Garcia finds herself locked in an age old debate - Are brains really more important than brawn? And what if option B - Or M, in this case - has both in spades to spare?**_

**So, I'll leave you to your reading. I hope you enjoy it, and once I get the next couple chapters done, I'll be posting them. I'm kind of overwhelmed with school work at the moment, so just be patient with me. I want to do our boys justice, so work with me here. =)**

**Also, I'm undecided as to whether or not Haley will be dead in this... Though I'm leaning towards yes. I haven't made up my mind as of right now. She and Hotch might just be divorced... I dunno as of yet though. This is gonna be pretty AU, so we'll see what happens.**

**Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it. K? K. On with the show!**

Spencer Reid was what some would call a nerd. He wore pocket protectors and plaid shirts, leather loafers, and according to JJ, he'd once gelled his hair like that guy from The Big Bang Theory. Not an overtly attractive image, and add to that the fact that he knew everything there was to know about anything and he was what nerds everywhere dreamed of being. Even his name sounded nerdy.

Regardless of that, he'd managed to fit into the considerably more macho image of the FBI behavioral analysis unit reasonably well. Jason Gideon had scared the bejesus out of him the first few weeks, and Derek Morgan hadn't struck him as a nice guy. Jennifer Jareau was a stunner, throwing him into a case of love at first sight, Elle Greenaway struck him as a mother figure, accepting but with an attitude, while Penelope Garcia had been a kindred spirit who had been cut from the same cloth as he'd been. And Aaron Hotchner had been a grade A hardass from day one.

Over time, he learned that his initial impressions of them had been for the most part dead wrong. Gideon had become a mentor to him, someone he could talk to when the cases and nightmares were getting to be too much, and as long as the appropriate distance was kept, Morgan had been totally open for conversation about anything, even teaching him about sports. JJ was still a stunner but it didn't take him long to realize that he would never be her type and that they were better off as friends, even if he did occasionally ask her out to games. Garcia had become a close friend and confidant to him. Elle and Emily were separate people but eerily similar in terms of personality and he sincerely hoped that in time, he would become as close to Emily as he had Elle, before she went all vigilante.

Hotch had been a mystery since day one, a nice guy with a layer of steel in place of skin. He could see through bullshit faster than anyone Reid had ever met in his life, which was saying something considering he'd grown up in Las Vegas, and he wasn't afraid to put himself in harm's way if it meant getting the truth. Once someone was lucky enough to get to know Hotch, he was actually a sincere, loyal, nice guy, even if he could be a little intense. He'd taken to Reid quicker than anyone else had (Besides Gideon), acknowledging that the boy scientist was wise beyond his years and taking his word as law. It was because of Hotch that Reid had as much respect as he did at the BAU; anyone SSA Aaron Hotchner listened to and respected was someone the rest felt they could rely on.

He remembered the Spring Break case, when he'd come face to face with Adam and Amanda, two very different people living in one body. Adam had asked him once, 'How long does it take before you can close your eyes without seeing it?', referring to the things he'd seen. Spencer still didn't know, they'd probably haunt him for the rest of his life, images of slaughtered families and destroyed lives. His only consolation was that he'd managed to help people, and he had a solid team that he could depend on to back him.

It made the days easier, even when he was knee deep in an addiction he didn't have a choice in wanting and was treading a fine line between being able to hide it from his team and getting his boss fired for not reporting it. Outside of that though, the only things that bothered him were the hours he had to work; he had no personal life outside of his job, which bothered him some days. Some days, he was so deep in the mind of a psychopath that it was all he could do to keep his grip on himself, even when it would have been easier to give up and let himself be defeated before even coming into contact with the unsub.

One such night, Reid sat at his desk, his eyes almost blurring as he looked through files on a case they were flying out to investigate the next morning. It was well past midnight but the sun hadn't yet begun to burn it's way into the sky, and the team was exhausted. Hotch was nowhere to be see, Reid was so tired he could barely see straight where he sat at his desk, JJ was out like a light at Emily's desk, her phone clutched in her hand in case Will called, and Emily was almost asleep, a book hanging limply in her hands. Morgan was standing at the dry erase board, going over facts with Gideon, and Garcia was asleep at Derek's desk.

They'd all been up for sixteen hours straight, trying to figure out a time line for a killer that seemed to keep changing his MO, but so far the moves had all been drastic, each different than the next. One attack was done in a secluded area, and the one after's location was unknown just then but the body had been found in the alley of the busiest street in town. The fax machine in the corner came alive as most bodies were found and the local PD sent the information through to them, and if Reid's calculation was right, that brought the body and victim count up to fifteen, only four of them being found alive after being abducted.

Reid stretched back in his chair and heard his back crack, then picked up another file folder. The smell of coffee hit his nose, and Reid looked beside him as a Starbucks coffee cup slid into his vision. He looked back and saw the exhausted looking Hotch standing behind him, holding a coffee tray.

"You, sir, are a god.", Reid said by way of thanks as he inhaled half the coffee in one go. Hotch chuckled, leaning against Reid's desk.

"You looked like you could use it.", Hotch answered. The senior agent looked worse for ware, a state that Aaron Hotchner didn't often get in to. He'd forgone his suit jacket and the cuffs of his dress shirt had been rolled up. Reid was astounded to notice that he'd even kicked off his shoes.

"I could and do, I'm running on empty. This case has wrung everything out of me and it hasn't even started yet. What time are we leaving tomorrow?", Reid asked. He took a quick stock of his own clothing in comparison to his superior, and noticed that somewhere between midnight and whatever time it was then, he too had kicked off his shoes under his desk. He'd run his hands through his hair so many times that it looked like he'd just stepped out of a wind tunnel, and he'd rolled his sleeves up.

"Eight o'clock tomorrow, or this morning, and we're all going to be exhausted. I'm just about to wake JJ, Emily and Garcia up and send them home.", Hotch advised, clearing the sand and sleep from his eyes. Reid momentarily noticed the dark rings around his supervisor's eyes.

Reid set the coffee cup down, then rubbed his own eyes. "Good idea, I'll help you wake them up. I wanted to run a theory by Gideon anyway, something about this case is bothering me. I think this guy is trying to minutely alter his methods with each attack, but he's leaving a specific signature. I mean, they all lived within a mile radius of each other, that can't just be coincidence-"

"Reid, I meant for you to go home too. You need rest.", Hotch told him as the doctor stood.

"I can sleep on the plane, I never sleep the night before a case anyway. Too jumpy I guess.", Reid told him. "Morgan's awake so he can wake up Garcia. You take Emily, I'll take JJ?"

"Deal. But I want you to make sure you at least get some sleep within the next forty eight hours, Reid. God knows we get little enough sleep as it is in this job.", Hotch agreed reluctantly. "Don't go killing yourself for this case."

"I will and I wont, I promise. And anyway, my staying here works out well. JJ needs to get home to Will and Henry, and Emily and Garcia live in the same neighborhood. I'm pretty sure I heard Morgan say he was going to give them a ride home, which means he'll more than likely spend the night at Garcia's place, so at least half the team will be well rested.", Reid denied, then walked over to where JJ was sleeping. He nudged her gently to wake her up. "JJ, come on, time to go home."

"Hm? Spence?", JJ yawned, her eyes opening slightly.

"Yeah, it's me. You need to go home and check on that godson of mine.", Reid told her cheerfully, all the while his eyes felt heavy.

"I'm up, I'm up... What time is it?", JJ asked while Hotch woke up Emily.

"Some ungodly hour. I'm afraid to check it, to be honest.", Reid laughed. JJ laughed sleepily and stood up. She looked at the coffee in Reid's hand longingly.

"God I miss coffee. Giving it up has caused more stress then actually drinking it.", JJ complained, shrugging her coat on.

"With your blood pressure, Jayje, you know it was the best option. You going to be okay driving home?", Reid asked.

"Yeah, I'll be okay. I live twenty minutes away, remember?", JJ answered. "Alright, I'll see you guys tomorrow on the plane. Any news-"

"You'll be the first call I make. Good night, JJ." JJ waved in reply as she walked out of the meeting room, and Reid turned back to see Morgan shouldering his coat as Garcia leaned on him, still half asleep. Emily looked half asleep still and yawned while the trio walked out, giving their farewells as they left. Even Derek, the all nighter veteran, looked weighted down by a lack of sleep.

Reid turned and walked into Hotch's office to find him sitting at his desk. He saw the senior agent checking his phone before rubbing his eyes to clear the sleep from them.

"What've we got, Hotch?", Reid asked, leaning against the desk tiredly.

"A whole lot of nothing. I can't get a handle on this guy, he just keeps changing.", Hotch sighed, his head in his hands. The senior agent looked at the board Gideon stared at through his office window, then looked away with a sigh. Reid took his coffee and offered it to Hotch silently. While Hotch took a sip, his own having been finished by the time he'd given Reid his, Reid looked at the board.

"Something about this is unsub bothering the hell out of me, I just can't pin it down.", Reid mused.

"They all bother me these days, Reid. Every psychopath we come across, they all make my skin crawl.", Hotch replied, sounding drained as he held Reid's coffee in his hands.

"You alright, Hotch?", Reid asked. Hotch usually was the epitome of professionalism, and the sound of his voice reminded Reid of the sound of a man who's giving up. It reminded him of his father, a comparison Reid would never willingly make. As far as Spencer Reid was concerned, Hotch was twice the man his father was.

"Yeah, I just... Do you ever think of giving it up, Reid?", Hotch asked.

"What'd you mean?"

"I mean hanging up the profiling, moving on."

"No. I've gone through some terrible things, we all have. We see it every day. But I have never considered walking away. No matter what, at the end of the day, I love this job, the work we do, and I love this team. Why? Have you?", Reid answered firmly while shifting uncomfortably. It was a lie, and Reid knew it was a lie, but he still thanked his lucky stars that Hotch was too tired to notice the blatant lie of his subordinate. It may've been a lie, but it was worth it to make sure that part of his life remained a part of the BAU's worst kept secret.

"I'm getting old, Reid. I've already blown any chance I had of having a normal family, but maybe it's not too late to have a social life. I'd miss the team and the job but there's only so long you can handle the nightmares, the crazies we're face to face with every day. Is it too much to ask for a normal life?", Hotch asked. "My son is turning five, Reid. Five. Where have the five years gone?"

"Hotch, first of all, you're not old. I mean, you're forty five. Rossi's pushing his late fifties and he's still one of the best. And look at Gideon! He's nearing sixty and hasn't fallen yet."

Except for the nervous break downs, but there was an unwritten rule that those weren't talked about. Ever.

"And yes, this job can create a strain on your social life, but no one is stopping you from having one. This job, it requires you to live it, to give all of yourself to it. You can't help that. You knew that when you signed up.", Reid told him gently. "As for a normal family, in this day and age, normal is relative. It's what you make it. You've got an amazing son, a great sister in law, a brother, and a team that loves you. I'd say that's a pretty healthy social life, Hotch. And whether he's five or fifty, you'll always have Jack."

"Thanks, Reid.", Hotch gave him a small smile.

"Listen, why don't you go for a walk to clear your head?", Reid suggested. "Maybe you'll get a flash of inspiration. It usually helps me think."

"That's actually a really good idea. If I stare at that board any longer, I think I'm going to go blind. I'll be right back/ If Jason asks tell him I've just stepped out for a couple minutes.", Hotch told him then stood up from his desk and threw his coat on over his shoulders and stepped into his shoes.

"We'll be here.", Reid promised. "And Hotch? I'm twenty-eight and I still want to run to my mom when life starts to suck. You've still got all the time in the world to be Jack's superhero so don't worry about him being five. If he's half as strong as you, he'll be fine." Hotch smiled silently. Reid watched the senior agent walk out and let out a quiet sigh, then turned and walked next to Gideon, who's eyes had left the board and were focused on Reid's face. Reid was deep in his own mind and didn't notice the searching look on his boss' face, a mistake that he would probably regret later.

Yeah, Spencer Reid was a nerd, which should have been his first tip off that he was in trouble when he met Aaron Hotchner. As much Reid had tried to avoid it, a crush on the senior agent had been a dreaded possibility the minute the two met. But, like most chick flicks he wouldn't admit to watching, he had walked into a crush on the man with eyes wide open and knowing that no matter how smart they were, outside of the movies, the nerd never got the guy.

**AN: That's it, guys. This is mainly filler, just to provide an opening scene for when the really fun stuff starts up. I'm not overly thrilled with it, but I promise, the rest will be better. **

**As always, everybody, any comments, questions or concerns? Lemme know. I always want to know what I'm doing right or wrong with my writing. I just hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. =) **

**Ta for now, loves! **

**Much love,  
>Oracle. (L) <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: No, I haven't seen the latest episode. No, I don't know whether or not Will turns into a douche bag. No, I'm not going to alter him into one in my stories until I've seen the latest season because as far as I'm concerned, at his heart, he is not a douche bag. No, I don't want Will and JJ to break up because it will break my heart. And no, I don't want any spoilers because, for this story, JJ and Will will still be happy. K? K. **

**Aside from that, hi guys! So, this is the second chapter of 'Confession by Coffee', and it features a lot of BFF action with JJ and Spence. (Which was actually in no way planned to coincide with last night's episode. Seriously, it just happened like this. I wrote this chapter during the summer. I am convinced that I'm at least part psychic when it comes to plot lines.) **

**Also, there is a mention of Ethan. *dun dun dunnnnnnn* He becomes key player in this, and I am SO excited to get to that point. Omg. So, I won't bother you any more with ANs and silly things like that because I know what you're here for, and who am I to deny you of that? So, without further ado, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Just to be clear, Will will not be a douche bag in this story. Ethan kind of will be. And I own nothing. **

The bad guy had been caught, the victims had been consoled, new images had been added to his nightmare gallery, the plane had landed in the hanger, Henry had been held, played with and put to bed, and Spencer Reid was exhausted as he sat on JJ's couch. JJ came out of the kitchen and sat across from him on a recliner, her eyes momentarily flicking to Will's coat hanging by the door.

"Tired, champ?", JJ asked, handing Reid a cup of tea. He'd been unable to think about going home to an empty apartment just then so JJ had invited him to spend the night at her place, like they were wont to do after he'd gotten over his crush on her.

"Exhausted. I don't know how you do it, JJ. Taking care of a baby and doing this job? How do you not go insane?", Reid asked, taking a gulp of tea.

"He's in that room right there.", JJ answered, pointing to Henry's room. "I do it for him. I know that every bad guy we catch is one more I don't have to worry about coming after him, don't have to worry about him being hurt by later in life. But is there something bothering you other than the case?"

"No, I don't think so, why?"

"Because you seemed to be in a fog during this case. It was like you were somewhere totally different.", JJ answered gently. "Are you okay, Spence?"

"Yeah, I'm fine.", Reid promised, a shaky smile on his face. He sighed, then decided to stop lying to JJ. She'd gotten pregnant with the baby of a fellow agent; she wouldn't judge him for having a crush on someone at work, even if that someone was Hotch. "Whew. Okay. JJ, have you ever had... inappropriate feelings for someone you work with? Like work closely with?"

"Hi, have you met my son?", JJ joked, then turned serious. She knew Spencer had had a crush on her, but they'd talked about it and she thought he'd been okay with them being just friends. He was her best friend, the godfather of her son! "But yeah, I have. Who is it, Spence?"

Reid looked at her worried expression, then laughed. "Oh God. No, JJ, it's not you, not this time. I got over that, I promise."

"Thanks, I think.", JJ laughed. "But if not me, then who? Emily?"

"No, no. Pretty sure she has a thing for Morgan though.", Reid considered, then shook his head. "It's um, it's big, JJ. Like really big. I probably shouldn't even tell you, I could get into so much trouble if this got out."

"It's okay, Spence, you can tell me.", JJ urged, getting slightly more worried. "Is it Garcia? Because yeah Morgan would flip, those two are crazy close, but you're his friend."

"No, not Garcia. It's uh..." Reid coughed to clear his throat, then set his cup of tea on the coffee table in front of him. "It's Hotch, JJ."

JJ looked stunned, then sat back on her recliner. "You – Wait a second. You have …. feelings for _Hotch_?", she asked, looking gobsmacked.

"Yeah, pretty sure I do.", Reid answered, looking down at his hands.

"Wow. I'm shocked.", JJ admitted. "I didn't think you were gay, Spence."

"I'm not, not really. It's not men in general, and it's only happened once before.", Reid answered. He wasn't entirely sure he was comfortable telling JJ about this aspect of his past but he figured that if he didn't get it off his chest, he was going to explode.

"When? If you don't mind me asking." She knew Spencer was a private person, and that he hid a lot of himself behind his intellect. But they were good friends and she loved him in her own way so she wanted to do what she could to help him with this. If talking was the answer, then she would get Henry and they would talk until the cows came home.

"You remember the case we worked in New Orleans about that woman who was copying the Ripper murders? Where you met Will?", Reid asked.

"Yeah, she was trying to help his dad clean up the streets because he tried to help her when she was raped. I remember that, but what does that have to do with this?"

"When I missed the flight to Texas, I was having a drink with an old friend of mine, Ethan. I just... I needed to take a step back and see if I could still handle this job, JJ. Having Ethan there gave me an idea of what life could be like if I walked away from the bureau.", Reid explained. His mind went back to Hotch's office, the despair he'd seen on his superior's face, and frowned. He'd hating lying to Hotch when he asked about leaving, but Hotch was brilliant. He'd dig around and find out about Ethan and Reid wanted Ethan to remain an unknown in his past. Everything was less complicated that way. "I love this job, JJ. I love this team and the weird, dysfunctional family we have. But if I was ever going to walk away from profiling for good, it would have been on that case."

"Oh. So, you and Ethan were...?"

"We, uh... We dabbled, I guess you could say, in my later teen years. He was three years older then me, which might have been part of the reason we were so competitive with each other now that I think about it. Visiting Ethan made me realize that I might struggle to handle this job some days, but I can handle it and I do great work that actually helps people. He was able to walk away from it but I'm not. I guess, in a weird, contradictory way, Hotch kind of reminds me of him. One of them helped me realize that I belonged with the bureau, and the other gave me a very good reason to leave it."

"How did it happen?", JJ asked softly. Reid's brow crinkled as he considered his answer.

"Honestly, I don't know. It wasn't planned or anything, we just kind of fell into whatever it was that we were. We were always around each other as kids, we were always competing in every competition our school district had to offer. Soon, we started to be entered as a team for our district and began to get to know each other and become friends." There was also the fact that Ethan was eighteen in college while he was only fourteen, and didn't realize he was attracted to Ethan until he was sixteen and verbally defended Ethan at a competition. As it happened, he hadn't been that subtle and Ethan already knew the young genius was attracted to him, but made it very clear he wouldn't even look at him until he was eighteen. All of these things added up to a very angst filled teenage experience for Dr. Reid.

"Wow. Was there anything specific?"

"Not anything that really stands out from that time, we were just two guys with above average intelligence who became friends in unlikely circumstances. But as we grew up, things changed. I was taking care of my mom, and girls started entering the equation, as did college choices and career paths and everything else that they shove down your throat in high school. When I was spending time with Ethan, though, nothing really mattered except us winning the next competition."

"Sounds like you really care about him."

"I did – I do. He's one of the only friends I've got that aren't totally freaked out by the sheer volume of information that I know. Ethan never really cared that I was a genius though, I guess because he was one too.", Reid laughed.

"Do you want to tell me how it all started? I mean, Spence, not to be nosy, but teenage experimentation is one thing. You were willing to leave the bureau for this guy. I don't need to be a profiler to know something, somewhere along the line had to change."

"And it did, Jayje, you're right. The night it all started, I was working on my second PhD and Ethan was just finishing his first. We were at him dorm room studying for an upcoming college competition and I remember looking over at him to check an answer. Next thing I know, he's kissing me and it just snowballed from there. When he left the bureau it ended, we hadn't seen each other between then and the night I called and asked him to meet me in town so we could catch up."

"Did anything happen when you saw him?" JJ wasn't normally as nosy when it came to her friends but her inner teenage girl was cheering at the story of Spencer reconnecting with the guy who'd helped him realize himself. She was privately glad she was no longer that teenage girl, but permitted herself to indulge just this once. Maturity was so boring sometimes.

"No, we just sat in the bar where he plays and talked. JJ, after all those years he knew just by looking at me that I had a problem and wasn't handling it well. It just felt so good not having to pretend to be okay, to be near someone who could see me that clearly.", Reid explained and JJ could see on his face that it had been a special moment for him. "So, when Emily called to tell me about the flight, I ignored her calls. A part of me was craving that release, I just hadn't realized it until then."

"Were you in love with him?" 'Way to hit the nail on the head, JJ.', Reid thought.

"Back then?", Reid asked, receiving a nod. "I doubt it. Lust, probably. Hormonal teenage boy after all, but love? I think at that time I was knee deep in trying to be the strong one for my mom and trying to prove I could become someone successful. Ethan was just there to pull me out when I got in too deep, to pull me back and make me feel human, normal, again."

"And in New Orleans? I'm not saying it was love but I know you, Spence. You're completely loyal to the team, and your friends. I know you wouldn't blow us off for just anybody.", JJ pointed out and Reid laughed, taking a sip of tea.

"This is true but JJ, we were in New Orleans. Even after Katrina, that city is built on a culture of romanticism. You know as well as I do that it's almost impossible not to fall in love there. I saw a life I could have there, a life without stress or drugs or nightmares, and sitting in that bar with Ethan, there was nothing I wanted more than that life. You can't tell me that you haven't thought of packing up and moving down there to start a new life with Will and Henry?.", Reid answered, and she had to admit, he had her there. Her son and his dad were living proof of the charms of New Orleans.

"So that would be a yes?"

"That would be a maybe, I did say almost impossible." Reid laughed again, feeling so much better to get the story of he and Ethan off of his chest. "I think I was more in love with the idea of Ethan and the life I could have had than I was with the actual person. I wanted that carefree life, JJ, and I almost made myself believe that with him, I could have it."

"Almost?"

"I came back here with you guys didn't I? Before I ditched, I realized that I loved my work and my team more than I loved the illusion of a life away from it, with or without Ethan."

"And I'm glad you did. Have you heard from him since?"

"A few phones calls and text messages now and again. Last month though, he called and offered to fly me down to visit him if work got to be too much for me. Said I could stay at his place and he'd show me around New Orleans when there weren't bodies piling up everywhere. But I told him I had a lot of work to get done and not to hold his breath."

"Spence, it could be good for you though.", JJ argued. "Why would you turn it down?"

"Hotch.", Reid explained, making it sound so simple. "I know it sounds so incredibly desperate that it's probably pathetic but if there's even the slightest chance of anything happening between Hotch and I, I don't want a relationship from the past to screw that up."

"I – Wow. Spence, I don't know what to say. Just – Why Hotch?", JJ asked.

"Why not? The man does look good in a suit.", Reid commented, making JJ laugh.

"While this is true, Spence, he makes your life a nightmare on a daily basis.", JJ asked. "He's a good man, there's no denying that, but what about him could possibly make you fall for him?"

"I can't say, really. It's a combination of things. He's been training me since I joined up, he challenges me at every turn in a way that most people are afraid to, he's brilliant and honest, we can talk about anything from religion to psych theory, he's always keeping me on my toes, and he's always just... there, JJ.", Reid explained.

"Sounds a lot like your relationship with Ethan.", JJ commented.

"I've noticed, believe me, but it's more than that. Hotch just – He gets me, JJ. I don't really know how to explain it without sounding like some New Age nut job but - Look, you remember Tobias Hankel?"

"The whack job with the split personality and drug habit who kidnapped, drugged and tortured you for two days after I let you down? Yeah, I remember.", JJ said quietly. "Why?"

"You didn't let me down, JJ.", Reid told her firmly. They'd been over this since the day it happened, and he was pretty sure they'd still be talking about when Henry was in high school. "I knew without a doubt that if I gave the right clue, he'd remember and figure it out. That's how you guys found me. I chose Hotch because I knew he would understand, because I trusted him to help you guys bring me home. I just trust him, JJ. I believe in him. Or, I really, really want to."

The words seemed to hit him, and the genius fell back onto the couch. He looked at JJ with wide eyes, and it was then that JJ remembered that her genius of a best friend really was just twenty eight. "Spence?", JJ asked.

"God. JJ, I trust him as much as I trusted Gideon." After Gideon left the first time, it had shattered Reid and everyone knew it. The trust between them had been slowly built back up after Gideon's return the year before, but it was still shaky, and JJ knew Reid couldn't bring himself to fully trust the older man again. JJ was silent as they both considered the weight of those words. Trust was a major thing with Spencer, JJ knew. He only trusted a handful of people, most of whom were either on the team or as good as dead.

"Wow. Did you have these feelings before hand? It could be a very exaggerated case of hero worship.", JJ asked delicately. She hated seeing the pain in her friend's eyes but knew she had to play the Devil's advocate here to say with a clear conscience that she did everything she possibly could to keep Spencer from getting hurt. She did, however, mentally go through a check list of the most painful methods of torture she'd come across on the job, just in case.

"No, believe me, I've examined it extensively." He'd hoped for a simple explanation like that when he first started examining whether or not he had a crush on Hotch. "It's just – It's different."

"Can you tell me about it? Maybe I can help you figure out what to do.", JJ offered.

"It's like nothing I've ever been through before, JJ. When I'm in the same room as him, my hands get clammy. If we're not talking about a case, I babble at a mile a minute or I completely shut myself up for fear of saying something stupid. The very thought of spending time alone with him without a case between us terrifies me. I – I don't know what to do, JJ. I mean, do I ignore it? Do I try to talk to Hotch about it?"

"I don't know, Spence. You've spent more time with him than I have, you probably know him better. How do you think he would react?", JJ asked, smiling. Spencer had a bad case of puppy love.

Reid imagined Hotch's face and could already see those eyes expand and the mouth turn into a thin line on his face. He cringed. That wouldn't end well. "He'd be furious if he knew. He's trained me since before I can remember, that's gotta be a huge violation of trust, right?"

"He might see it that way.", JJ admitted. "Well, Spence, is he even interested in you in that way?"

"I have no idea-", Reid began when his cell phone began to ring. He flipped it open with a simple, 'Dr. Spencer Reid speaking.'

"Spencer, I need to talk to you.", Gideon's voice said calmly.

"Uh, Gideon, hi. What's up? Has something happened?", Reid asked while JJ got up and walked into Henry's room.

"I need you to meet me somewhere, there are some things we need to talk about."

"Uh, sure boss. Where?", Reid asked, shouldering his coat as he spoke.

"At the coffee house around the corner from the fourth street bridge. We'll both need to be awake and aware for this conversation to have any effect.", Gideon answered. That was a red light that had Reid stopping in his tracks.

"Is everything alright, Gideon? Has something happened on the last case? Did we miss something?"

"No, that guy is and always will be guilty as sin. And you'll need to tell me whether or not everything is alright. I'm worried about you, Spencer. Coffee shop around the corner from fourth street bridge. I'll be waiting there for you." Gideon hung up without another word, and Reid looked at his phone is confusion.

"Everything okay?", JJ asked, leaning on the doorway to Henry's room.

"That was Gideon. He wants me to meet him at a coffee house, said he had something to talk to me about.", Reid answered. "Gideon doesn't drink coffee. JJ, I have a bad feeling about this."

"Hey, it'll be okay. This is Gideon. You know as well as I do that he cares about you. If things do go south, you have my number.", JJ assured him, then ushered him out the door of her and Will's house and told him not to keep their boss waiting. Reid drove to the coffee house and walked in to find Gideon sitting at a table with a coffee and a tea in front of him.

"Spencer, take a seat.", Gideon said by way of greeting.

**AN: I know, I know. I'm evil. **

**I feel as though I should explain something here. As far as this story goes, Gideon left after the whole Frank debacle, Rossi came in, and then had to leave on a sabbatical to finish another book tour. Once Rossi left, Gideon came back because, in this story, he'd found out that he could be happy again, and so could do his job. This will be a springboard into the GideonElle I mentioned, but that's a long ways away. So, to summarize: Gideon left, Rossi arrived, Rossi left, Gideon came back. Sooner or later, they will both be back. Whether or not the BAU will be able to withstand their combined BAMF-ness remains to be seen. =P**

**That's it for this chapter, guys. I have to go meet a friend for coffee at the moment and get these Gods be damned cinnamon buns out of my freeze (long story.), but I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. As always, any questions, comments or concerns? Feel free to let me know. Thank you to dekudiva and Nerd for reviewing this so far; I will not abandon this story, and the nerd will get the guy, that I promise you! =) **

**Thanks for reading, guys! Enjoy your Thursday!**

**Much love,  
>Oracle. <strong>


	3. Author's Note

Hey guys,

So, I know I promised you an update, but I've had some technical difficulties in the last couple days. I bought a new computer because my old one was like, eight years old, and as I was transferring my files via USB stick, there was an error message and well, long story short, my USB was fried, along with all of my data. Confession by Coffee, Lyrics and Brilliant Minds, all of the works I had coming in my 'A Song of Ice and Fire' posts, all of my school notes… Everything. Poof. Gone.

So, needless to say, I'm horribly upset at the moment. I will need to start over from scratch, so it might take me a while to update. Just so you know, I have no abandoned this story or any of my others, but I need time to get my mojo back. When I get something new for you guys to enjoy, it'll be on here ASAP, but until then, I'm afraid I'm going to have to go on hiatus.

BUT! By all means, if you have any thoughts, questions or concerns about my stories, please do let me know. I love hearing from you guys. Or, if there's something you really, really, really think I could write for a one shot or something, by all means, lemme know. If time allows, I can do requests to fill the void.

That's it, guys. I'm so sorry because I know I owed you an update, but I've got nothing right now and I need to BS my way through an assignment due tomorrow that my computer ate and I have no time to write anything other than papers and exams right now.

Thanks for reading, guys, and when I'm not working or writing papers, I will get my ass moving and get on finishing this. I will not let you or our boys down!

Much love,  
>Oracle. (L)<p> 


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